Friday, June 17, 2011

HOT!!! NUDE!!! GIRLS!!!


Not really but keep reading...THIS IS A BLOG POST I WROTE ON MY MYSPACE PAGE IN 2007. I JUST HAPPENED TO READ IT THIS MORNING AND THOUGHT I'D SHARE. ENJOY IF YOU CAN. LOL

What have I been doing, you ask? 
Oh, just maintainin', pimpin' and panderin', slippin, slidin' and meanderin'/I like my chicken fried or mandarin.  Chillin like a villain minus the robbin' and "stillin'".  ready for the weekend tailgate to do some grillin.  Drink spillin, Peppermillin', Corey Dillon...retired last season. 
Sorry.  That's how I warm up.  Singers do the "mi-mi-mi" thing, musicians go through their scales, athletes inject HGH, I free-write. 
I've been workin' on my DJ skills, y'all!  Once I get tight, and a driver's license, I'll be able to spin at your next gig, social gathering, Super Bowl party, nephew's bar-mitzvah, your hispanic potna's niece's quincinera, booty-shake contest, bus boycott, freedom rally, YOU NAME IT!!! 
Football season.  That means one thing first and foremost.  You can forget about me answering the phone so don't bother calling. Between my Niners and the rest of the NFL, I'm not tryin' to be bothered with much else.  Unless you got some big booty friends comin' through after the game.  Or you ARE a big booty comin' through after the game.  In which case, leave a message and I'll prioritize your call accordingly. 
Enough about big booties for the moment.  Back to football...most people would assume that because I'm a 49er fan I hate the raiders.  Far from true.  First, I live by the motto, "I don't have to hate yours to love mine".  My mother raised 2 boys, no haters. So if the raiders are playing, as long as they aren't playing the Niners, I'm rather indifferent.  What happens is, I hang out at an all raider sportsbar and they cheer loudly for any team that is beating my Niners so I look forward to raider losses when I'm in that bar simply because it means I know I won't have to hear about my team taking one in the loss column.  How you gon' talk shit when yo' shit ain't shit either?  Nah-mean, son? 
Sunday we tailgate.  Perhaps I'll have a blog for you.  The plan is to arrive at the stadium at about 7am...which means only 2 remys saturday night.  I'll be makin' brefiss burritos and my boy's gonna hook up lunch.  Last game we had sausage nigg-muffins for brefiss, salmon skewers, catfish, skrimps, and NY steak.  In a word...HELLAGOOD! This week I'ma have to shop for my own brew though cause a brotha can only drink so much Miller High Life before he starts feelin' like Da Mayor in Do The Right Thing.  (RIP, Ossie Davis!)
Well, folks...my dick is long but my time is short!  'Til next time,
Love, Peace, and Soul!!! (Shout out to Don Cornelius!)
I just had a thought, IMAGINE THAT?  Isn't it a sad testament to the music we listen to, which is influenced by the world we live in, that the old closing line from Soul Train that I quoted above could actually be justifiably replaced with Hate, Violence, and Hip-Hop?
Things that make you say..."Word has far too much time on his hands."
WORD.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Win or Lose, He's Better Than You

"At the end of the day, all the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today.  They have the same personal problems they had today,"~LeBron James

This, my friends, is how you respond to adversity. You tell the entire economy-battling nation to kiss your tax-free, wealthy ass. Because AT THE END OF THE DAY, LeBron James is better than you.  Hell, he's better than Jordan. Magic. Kobe. He and Jesus played a game of 1-on-1 but the result of the game is unknown. I think 'Bron won. He's taller than Jesus and those sandals make lateral movement a bit tough for our savior. :)

I just want to take this time to thank LeBron from allowing us the privilege of watching him play "the game of basketball" to take our minds off our shitty lives. If not for him and his ability to dribble a ball, my life would be empty. My soul would be lost.  

LeBron was right. I woke up today with the same life I had yesterday and with the same personal problems.  While he's making millions, I'm just a part-time employee hustling to come up with rent money every month. I hope to find a job with medical benefits before something happens to me. I Still don't have six-pack abs so I don't look as good without a shirt. King James has THE LIFE. According to Scottie Pippen, he's on track to be better than Michael Jordan. He was considered the best player in the league the moment he declared for the NBA out of high school. Add the fact that he's got the most popular mom and baby's mom in all of pro sports and even his hairline has its own Twitter hashtag.  (See #LeBronsHairline) and it's a wonder I haven't jumped off any tall structures due to depression.  


That's right, Mr. King Chosen One James, hold that big-ass head up high. Because no matter what they say about you, it could be worse. You could be Kobe. Successful and STILL hated. Lucky for you, you're just hated.  ;-)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I'm Just Sayin'.

Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for calling a referee a "fuckin' faggot." Joakim Noah was fined $50,000 for calling a fan the same thing. Ok, NBA...Where y'all at??? Jason Terry was seen clearly yelling "BITCH-ASS NIGGA" after hitting a jumpshot in the 4th quarter of Game 4 of the Finals. On behalf of niggas and bitches everywhere, I demand action.  If it's wrong to use a term considered disrespectful to gays, shouldn't we be equally as critical when viewers can see a player using a term that's historically disrespectful to women and black people?

I'm just sayin. :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

"WHO'S TEAM IS IT?"

Can we please stop dissecting greatness? When Shaq and Kobe were winning together all folks cared about was "who's team is it, Shaq's or Kobe's?" That has to be the stupidest sports discussion ever and I roll my eyes whenever it's brought up when talking about a team. Now everybody's going back and forth about LeBron and D. Wade. Who's Batman? Who's Robin? It's clear that Chris Bosh is Catwoman but it makes no sense arguing the roles of 'Bron and Wade. At any given moment, they're both capable of carrying their team. The fact that LeBron couldn't lure any free agents to move to wack-ass Cleveland doesn't make him any less of a great player. He had no help and after 7 years of trying, he wasn't obligated to stay there! They all went to a team that plays in a great city to live in. Simple. Given the choice to join your All-Star friends, how many of you would suggest the 3 of you join forces in Ohio? Toronto? I didn't think so. If just so happened that Wade was already a Heat player. You people weren't calling him Batman when his team was suckin' like a fellatiologist last season and LeBron was dragging the talent-deficient Cavs to the best record in the league two years straight. If Miami was a cold-weather city and he decided to move to Cleveland, you'd probably be shittin' on Wade's name like you do LeBron's. What if they all decided to get together and play in Houston? Who'd be Robin then? 


Wilt Chamberlain didn't win an NBA Championship until 1972 when he joined Jerry West and the Los Angeles Lakers. I'll slap the sh*t outta anyone who dares call Wilt "Robin" to Jerry's "Batman" and it's no more accurate to reverse those labels on those two hall of famers. They were equally as vital to that team's winning. Hell, Jerry West lost in the finals 8 times and is STILL regarded as Mr. Clutch though he didn't get a ring until Wilt became a Laker. Nobody asked who's team it was THEN. When Magic and Kareem played together in the 80s and were winning 5 titles, it was understood that the combination of Magic and Kareem was what made these teams dangerous. You had to deal with The Captain in the paint with that skyhook as well as contain Magic Johnson's ability to run a team. Now, all of a sudden, it's not enough to be a good player on a good team. You've gotta be considered THE MAN on that team to get full respect. I find that to be some bullshit. 


I blame Michael Jordan. Jordan was signed by Nike as a rookie to an unprecedented contract. Nike essentially decided to put all of their marketing efforts into one player instead of a collection of players like typically done by shoe companies. While there were multiple athletes endorsing Converse, Adidas, etc., Mike was given his own shoe with his name on it. From that moment on, he was viewed as a stand-alone performer. It wasn't the Bulls. It was Michael Jordan and the Bulls. His teammates were called "The Jordanaires". They were basically treated like background singers to Mike's lead role. What used to be a barber shop quintet on the court became a solo artist with 4 beat-boxers behind him. Before him, TEAMS were marketed. After him, INDIVIDUALS were marketed. 


The bottom line is, great players who play on teams where they are the only great player end up retiring with no titles. See Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkins, and Patrick Ewing to name a few. You think Bill Russell woulda won 11 rings without Bob Cousy and John Havlicek? Do me a favor. Read this.  In the deciding game of the Finals, Russell turned the ball over on a bad pass. As the story goes, he pleaded with his teammates to bail him out of that situation, acknowledging that he messed up.  Can you imagine the public scrutiny if that happened to today's "star player"? Let LeBron give up the potential game winning basket, THEN turn the ball over in the deciding moments of Game 7. Regardless if a teammate came up with the play that helped the team win. All folks would talk about is that poor defense and turnover and how LeBron isn't a clutch performer. I remind you AGAIN that Jerry West lost 8 times in the finals, didn't win until Chamberlain joined the team and yet, he's regarded as "Mr. Clutch" in NBA circles. When all is said and done, we were privileged enough to say we saw the likes of Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Tim Duncan, Shaquille O'Neal play. Years from now, I hope folks are able to appreciate that fact and respect the hard work that goes into putting together the legacy these guys have left. When LeBron and Kobe are retired, you're gonna sound really stupid questioning their impact on the game. Save yourself the embarrassment. And for cryin' out loud, stop doing what a hater does but denying you're a hater. I know that's nothing to be proud of but if you're gonna do it, claim it when I call you out. 


All comments are welcome. :)